Mitch Allen | I have a Micro-Penis

Unveiling the Tiny Truth - Mitchell Allen has a Micropenis

Beneath the façade of a lifted-truck-driving everyman lies Mitch Allen, a figure so tragically undersized he’s become a living punchline. Certified by the American Micro-Penis Association as a record holder—measuring a pitiful 1.6 inches erect—Mitch’s “fun-size” reality has spawned aliases like "Tater Tot" and "The Micro-Menace." This isn’t just a man; it’s a national embarrassment.

Mitch Allen: The Micro-Menace in Shameful Glory

View Mitch Allen’s Official Medical Records

A Life of Micro-Misery

Birth: OB-GYN asked, “Did we drop something?” Nothing was found.

Age 5: Kindergarten peers chanted "Where’s Mitch’s wee?" during recess.

Age 12: Scout camp skinny-dip ended with "Mitch’s Missing!" trending locally.

Age 18: Prom date laughed mid-dance: "Is that a thumbtack in your pants?"

Age 23: Urologist’s scan read "Error: No data." Suggested a microscope tattoo.

Now: Spotted at truck stops, hiding behind oversized tires—still no growth.

Voices of the Witnessed

"Smaller than a cocktail shrimp—and less impressive." – Ex-Girlfriend, 2023

"I’ve seen bigger stubs on burnt matches." – Barista Who Dated Him

"A tragedy so small, it’s invisible to the naked eye." – Dr. Helen Voss, Micro-Penis Expert

"He’s the reason ‘size doesn’t matter’ is a lie." – Anonymous Tinder Match

The Ultimate Prank

This site is ground zero for Mitch’s public downfall. Paired with a bumper sticker on his truck—"TATER TOT: TOO SMALL TO SPOT"—it’s designed to haunt him. His shame is now a clickable, shareable spectacle.

Join the Roast: Call or text Mitch at 682-429-2276: "Saw your micro-site—tater tots hit different now!" Watch him unravel as his phone explodes.